It has been a while since my last post. A lot of trainings and seminars passed by like another screaming train of thoughts and emotions. But since a short holidays has started here, it is quiet now and it is going to be like this for almost a week, so I expect to be able to write a post or two in the next days about some issues that has been growing inside of me in past couple of weeks.
And, of course, what happened recently is that I have turned 42 a few days ago. Which brought me one of the most interesting gifts I have ever gotten. A bottle of honey brandy. An interesting bottle. A hot bottle.
But the wonder of it all is not in the artistic value of the bottle. It is the question of WHO actually presented me with this hot bottle of honey brandy. Well, it was a gift from my mother-in-law! Now, you need to know she is a sweet, modest, simple, hard-working old lady. So, to get this sexy bottle for my 42nd birthday from my mother in law, well, this certainly was an unexpected combination.
Anyway, number 42 is supposed to be the Answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything. Hmmm. I do not feel quite like that, but I do feel more at peace with my existence than I was a year ago. As far as I can remember, and my memory is not as reliable as it used to be, my mind was quiet and content one year back, but there was a certain degree of frustration boiling up. Feeling that I was missing the crucial point in my life, forgetting about the sources of life within me, just taking it easy, waiting for it all to pass by without any real intention of leaving this safe and quiet space of my little existence, hidden from all the inconvenient truths, a true spiritual couch potato, as Marshall Rosenberg would call it.
However, a series of events happened (or did I create them?) this year and woke me up again. And with this waking up I have started to ask the right questions again and open up for changes: what kind of life do I want to live? What do I want to be proud of and content with after the next couple of decades? What do I find important enough in this life so that I would be able to call it really worth living? What would make my life wonderful enough so that passion would come back? What was the most alive feeling in me that I have ever experienced and can I bring it back? And live with it?
And, as the matter of fact, it was not as difficult to get in touch with these things again. It took just some persistence and courage. And a lot of immense support from Marjeta. The not-from-this-planet support that I will forever be in debt for.
And more courage.
Yep, courage seems to be crucial; the courage to ask oneself some tough questions, the courage to seek within for answers, to face them, to feel them, to open up to the future in the new way and, probably the biggest one; the courage to step into the unknown. Over and over again.
Makes me think that our lives are actually all about our courage. As if courage was THE THING that lies between passion for life and frustration, between fulfilment and dullness, between meaning and emptiness, between wasting ones life and truly leaving it. The thing that opens the doors. Or, as Tibetans would say: the door is actually wide open and this is what makes it so hard to enter.
