The last couple of days I feel unbelievably tired. Partially just physically tired, from too much work and chronically lacking sleep, but a big part of my tiredness is, I guess, just an emotional exhaustion from giving and giving and giving myself at all those workshops. It feels just like endlessly emptying myself. I feel almost completely lifeless – last couple of days I can not get proper sleep even when I do finally lie in my bed. I keep waking up every hour or so, hallucinating a bit etc. Got me worried already.
Anyway!
Me and Marjeta had tickets for a concert of a Croatian jazzy/pop/rock-70’s-revival (my definition) group Jinx and the concert this evening was pure joy. Not that this type of music would be my absolutely favourite, but the atmosphere of musicians enjoying creating music and surrendering to the energy of it, woke me up and infused some life back into my being. I finally felt I was getting something, not just giving.
And reminded me again of my feeling of being somewhat misplaced in this life. Whenever I experience music intensively I feel rather deeply that this is what my life was supposed to be like. And that it is a sort of a mistake that I am doing what I am doing instead of being a musician. It feels like a distant, half-forgotten pain, patiently waiting to be noted, taken seriously and cured.
The bellow attached music is giving a glimpse of what I am trying to say.
