Nothing special, but everything there is

It’s rather funny to come home from a three-days Soto Zen Sesshin and find out you have absolutely nothing to say to people who ask you about it.

What happened?

Nothing.

What were you doing?

Sitting for three days, in silence, just present in the moment.

And what have you experienced?

Well, just the presence in the moment.

But than what is the purpose of something like that?

Hm, it’s to be more present, more settled, more grounded in this life.

But, but, but, did you have any deep insights?

To tell you the truth, I do remember one insight, yes.

So what was it?

I realized that I only have one breath in my life. The one I am inhaling and exhaling right now. Other breaths do not exists.

At this point nobody listens any more and no questions are being asked any longer.

Our Western minds are really screwed up. We always need to chase some goals in front of us. We struggle in order reach someplace, become somebody, get something. Even when we meditate we want to get something out of that. Our ego wants his share too. To become very enlightened, wise, shiny, respected, recognized…

Thich Nhat Hanh in his book Peace is every step beautifully points out: “We are very good at preparing to live, but not very good at living. We know how to sacrifice ten years for a diploma, and we are willing to work very hard to get a job, a car, a house, and so on. But we have difficulty remembering that we are alive in the present moment, the only moment there is for us to be alive.”

I believe this is the case also in case of the personal growth process. I remember about twenty years ago when spending ages on the Enlightenment Intensives. For days after days we were endeavouring to reach deep, mystical and enlightening experiences. Then after finally reaching them we were spending another days and days talking about how great they were. All that time spend in chasing the future or remembering and evaluating the past. But only a fraction of a second spent in the now.

In Soto Zen tradition this sort of experiences are irrelevant. In fact anything that ego would love to feed upon is being completely ignored. All the flashy stuff. The only thing that counts is sheer presence here and now, pure beingness, pure aliveness.

Now what more can we ever reach?