20 years ago when coming home from intensive heavy-duty meditation retreats, I felt personally fulfilled, but physically broken – exhausted, tired, a few kg lost… And it is at least interesting, if not utterly sad, how my lifestyle – and consequentially my experiencing such retreats – has changed over these years.
A Zen seshin is now a complete bliss for me; not only in spiritual/psychological aspect, but in physical terms as well. It is actually a rest, a vacation. I don’t have to think, to organize, to plan anything, to take care of anything. Just being present in the moment suffices. On the emotional level I am suddenly not responsible for anything, nobody expects anything from me, I don’t have to save anybody’s life problems, no dilemmas around, nobody actually notices me at all and I can rest as an invisible shadow.
And on the physical level: hey man, this is heaven. I get to sleep much more than at home, I eat regular meals, I even manage to exercise. And my body is so grateful for the treatment so that even my knees don’t hurt at all after hours upon hours of zazen. It is incredible.
Now I understand why people leave their families and disappear in far away monasteries. To rest and enjoy life. That’s why they have built monasteries in all those out-of-reach mountains – so that their wives could not find them and drag them back. 
Anyway, just sitting for days in a maximally stable and centred posture, with mindful and peaceful breathing, being gently present in the moment, here and now, feels like finally living, finally existing, being truly alive, awake and present in this existence.
But than again explaining it to other people is a hard task. I cannot get across that the beginning and the end, the reasons and the goals, the questions and the answers, it all melts into one point, one moment. The moment, that is both full of presence and empty of any content.
After listening for some time, my dear Marjeta ended with a soft: “Well, I still find this rather weird…” And I sense a slight trace of worry in her eyes: “Is he already going downhill?”
Hi Robert,
I don’t think one can understand meditation and zen, one can only experience it, as it is too far away from our rationale logical way of living and looking at the world. Even our words are not really appropriate to describe it. Opening oneself to the experience can allow to be able to start getting what you mean, or so it seems to me from my limited experience of meditation
Comment by Anne-Claire C — June 18, 2008 @ 1:19 pm
yes, I think you are right. And it is even more so in the case of zen, which is so extremely opposite to the rational operating of the mind.
Comment by Robert — June 18, 2008 @ 1:33 pm
“so that their wives could not find them and drag them back”
Har har!
Well, reading this makes me glad that Chris and I experienced our meditation retreat together. Though we didn’t, couldn’t, talk – I think the peace I experienced was deeper for knowing he was there.
And little moments of connection – walking back to our rooms in silence, or looking at each other across a room – were suddenly some of the most romantic moments of my life.
Comment by Hayden Tompkins — June 18, 2008 @ 3:31 pm
yeah, I love these moments. It is really great how simple little things, normally taken for granted and not noticed at all, suddenly become the most magical ones. Once everything else, all the rubbish, is taken out of the picture.
We also do many things together, of course. It is just this Zen emptiness that does not get Marjeta going at all…
Thanks for reminding me of these little moments of connection.
Comment by Robert — June 18, 2008 @ 3:40 pm
Often people don’t realize that we can live our whole lives in this “meditative” state. After my first year in the rainforest living in this state became a way of life that I have never lost. No matter where I am or what I am doing it is only a breath away. It is who I am…not so much something I do. As you say it is hard to explain or put into words because it is a “living experience”. For me it is “being” and not “doing”. I experience this most easily in nature. Nature and her wild place is my sacred sanctuary, but there have many times (some of them prolonged), where I could not “get away” due to certain demands of commitments. I learned during those times that, yes, is was easier for me to “be the mediation” in nature, but that in actuality is was all around me. It is who I am. It’s just a matter of stopping and embracing it, a matter of letting go over and over all day long, a matter of remembering who and what I REALLY am, a matter of remembering what is important and what is not….and letting go of what is not. But in all honesty “being the meditation” is effortless “with” the wild. I merge with all things there. I find great peace alone with nature. Nature just is….love. Thank you again Robert for inspiring this comment. I am truly enjoying this site. RainforestRobin http://www.nakedineden.com
Comment by rainforestrobin — June 18, 2008 @ 6:46 pm
Hey, now your comment is inspiring… I need to spend some more time in nature. I haven’t been much out in the last half a year and it feels like running on completely empty batteries.
And it is so true, what you are saying, it is about being, not about doing. Yes yes yes!
Comment by Robert — June 18, 2008 @ 7:06 pm
Hello, the picture on this page, does it mean ‘Presence’?
Thank you,
Dean
Comment by Dean Almeida — November 11, 2009 @ 10:03 am
Dean – hey, good grief, yes, as far as I remember it does mean presence – at least this is what roshi said while he was drawing it.
Comment by Robert — November 17, 2009 @ 8:26 am
Thank you Robert, much appreciated.
I wanted to ask you, if you were to suggest any meditation retreat place, where would it be; consider though that I live in South Africa.
Thank you again,
Comment by Dean Almeida — November 17, 2009 @ 1:05 pm
Dean – I don’t think I can be of any help. I am not aware of any meditation retreat place in South Africa. The closest meditation place to you, air distance, that I know of are in India and Sri Lanka.
But, you may want to check the Kufunda Learning Village in Zimbabwe: http://www.kufunda.org/home.php?sheet=1 . I know some people that go over there and do personal growth work there – and it is of a high quality. I wrote a bit about this here: http://robertkrzisnik.wordpress.com/2008/08/31/to-do-what-you%e2%80%99ve-got-to-do/
Comment by Robert — November 18, 2009 @ 11:24 pm
Thanks mate, your a gem – will let you know how it all goes.
kedamaian
Comment by Dean Almeida — November 19, 2009 @ 4:32 pm