I find it very natural to just sit and observe people, at airports, in restaurants, cafes. Yet the other day I realized that I do not know what do I observe really: other people or myself. Let me explain.
When I am centred, at peace with myself and my life, all I see is beautiful, wonderful people, carrying wounds and pain in their hearts, being soft and fragile within, full of love… I see their sincere attempts to do good, to be fulfilled, to make sense of their lives. My heart melts in warmth, my eyes get filled with tears and I am all empathy.
On the other hand, when I am feeling nervous, under pressure, frustrated, in inner conflicts and stress, I do not see that scene at all. All I can see than is egotistic, pushy, aggressive, ugly and terrible people, being nasty to each other, torturing their children and spouses. And my mind goes cynical. No empathy. Nothing.
It is obvious that my perception is utterly shaped by the state of my emotional being.
So what am I seeing really?
Nothing out there.
All I can ever see are merely my projections, my own emotional colouring, my subconscious patterns, cultural discourse, mental patterns and expectations… I do never communicate and interact and live with such and such people, with individuals and their objective attributes. No, I live among people that I am creating inside my head, shaping them this way or that way, arbitrarily.
That’s why my wife is sometimes divine Goddess, and sometimes…, well, something rather different. 
It is me who keeps changing her, inside my head, not her. In other words, if I want to see you ugly, there’s nothing you can do about it. And in case I choose to see you beautiful, you are trapped again… 
The same applies for everything; I am the creator of the world I live in and I keep re-creating it moment by moment.
So, you and me, we do not live in the same world. Pretty scary, isn’t it?
Pfffiuuuu…. Mindblowing….
And now there are (at least) two attitudes.
One is to think that was a great post, amazing view (or just totally crazy, depending on my state of mind when I read it and reread it), maybe discuss it through a few exchange of comments on your blog, and then come back to my life and forget it.
Or accept that it might turn my world down, or rather confirm the trend that has been popping up here and there, and accept to see where it leads to.
In option 2, it would confirm that all the communication course, interpersonal training and all the rest are just feel-good gimmicks, because the only key is to change our selves. I can’t deal with the others, as the others do not exist but only the image of them that I shape. It’s not about changing the others, nore changing my look willingly on the others, nore my look on my self, but acting upon my being itself.
And there is no such thing as reality. Only my perception here and now, my reality, unique for me. No good nore bad in itself. No facts, no objectivity.
In a way it is scary because it challenges all that I’ve grown up with. Especially the catholic “charity”, where you have to take care of the others, and that’s how you feel good and the reason why you’ll be saved.
On an other way, it’s great because that gives me much more power: that means that each of us should take care of only one person, themselves, so I should “just” take care of myself, without needing to change the other people nor the system. (It’s strange to read this post and write this comment right after I watched the movie The Beach, where we see it’s not just a question of system…)
I could also take it to a more philosophical level, but I’m in a too down-to-earth state of mind right now… if the rest of it is down to earth.
If taking care of the others is impossible because the relationships are completely biased, then what am I going to do with my life? I’m taking a sabbatical year to try and sort things out, but it just feels like the more i explore, the more confused it gets. I’ve been thinking over and over again about your post from May 13th and my comment there.
Your posts are just so challenging all the time, I think I’m thankful for it as I do believe it will be worth it in the end, although in the mean time you’re causing great confusion I must say!
Comment by Anne-Claire C — June 19, 2008 @ 9:46 pm
PS: I started to write the previous post in the “I” form, and then quickly came to a “we” and generalities. And then I thought that especially given the topic, I could not write as “we”, only as “I”. And soon realised that I had to rewrite many things, because what I thought to be very true at a general did not apply precisely to me. So why was I saying this and that as a general truth? Where does it come from? I guess if someone had challenged it I would have been crossed as it would have gone against something I held as true, while just changing it to the “I” form destroyed most of my “truths”. Great exercice for me to stop using the “we” and talk in my own name. Will try to keep doing this and see where it leads…
Comment by Anne-Claire C — June 19, 2008 @ 9:50 pm
“sometimes…, well, something rather different”
Brave, brave man.
Comment by Hayden Tompkins — June 19, 2008 @ 11:55 pm
Robert, this is very insightful and thought-provoking. It seems lately I have found a series of particularly apt posts at various blogs which seemed to have been written specifically to speak to me. Certainly, this could not be the case…but given everything else you say, why not. So thank you…you have given me much to consider.
I hope you enjoyed visiting the Midnight Garden!
Comment by Greg — June 20, 2008 @ 3:22 am
I once read “when we wear leather sandals, the whole world is covered in leather”.
I agree with you that most of what we think is happening in the world is actually just a projection based on our own mental architecture. It’s a good thing when we notice how we project ourselves on the world.
Comment by razzbuffnik — June 20, 2008 @ 10:55 am
I agree that the way we perceive others is mostly a projection of our inner feelings at that moment, but that would mean that love, for example, would be just a state of inner equilibrium which would induce the respective feelings. Or, as I see it, it’s the opposite – love finds you, as it is said.
Comment by Bogdan — June 20, 2008 @ 11:42 am
ACC, yes indeed there is not such thing as reality: from psychological, linguistic, cultural, biological, even physical point of view. To me this is scary because I was, for decades, so dependant of the idea of there being an ultimate truth that will bring total “salvation”. And if there’s not such thing (or maybe the ultimate truth is that there is no ultimate truth), than the question of the meaning opens up again.
And, by the way, I love blowing your mind! So, anytime, sweetheart, anytime…
Comment by Robert — June 20, 2008 @ 4:57 pm
Hayden – you are a naughty girl… Tell Chris to give you some spanking tonight.
Greg – I am happy to read my blog speaks to you. Helps me feel I am doing something meaningful. Your blog – quite a horizon-widener for me, since I am from a totally different tribe: http://robertkrzisnik.wordpress.com/2008/05/14/neighbours-from-a-different-culture/
And so reading your accounts opens up a completely new world for me.
Razz – yes, I think it is a good beginning to not take ourselves and our own perception of the world too seriously. This approach helps me a lot. I guess this was what Socrates was talking about.
Bogdan – welcome. Love is a big mystery to me. Does it have to do anything with THE OTHER or is it just me being open, or, as you say, in a state of inner equilibrium. I need to give this topic some more thoughts – perhaps this will lead to another post? Thanks for inspiring me…
Comment by Robert — June 20, 2008 @ 5:09 pm
Very interesting view. One I too have thought about. I like this site because you are willing to be yourself and that makes for new and interesting reading. Unique reading. You are a free thinker. Good for you!!!
Comment by RainforestRobin — June 25, 2008 @ 11:40 pm
Thanks Robin, thanks very much indeed
Comment by Robert — June 26, 2008 @ 11:04 am