What makes a certain person in our lives fatal? What makes somebody so special that our hearts melt, our minds go blank, we feel overjoyed, overwhelmed, over-everything? Why is it this person and not that one?
There are many theories about that, from very spiritual ones about soul-mates and journeys of souls and reincarnations, to very depressing psychoanalytical theories that it is actually nothing but our subconscious mind searching for the compatible persona out there, the one that will represent our father as well as our mother, the good stuff as well as the bad one, and enable us to continue with acting out whatever games and roles we have learned to interact through. And, yes, there are even more down-to-earth theories, about the chemistry in our brain, about the neurons and hormones and synapses and all that stuff.
But, what really bothers me is the same questions as Forrest Gump attempted to answer: “I don’t know if we each have a destiny, or if we’re all just floating around accidental-like on a breeze, but I, I think maybe it’s both. Maybe both is happening at the same time.” So, it is the question whether there is an objective fatalness or am I myself making a certain relationship a fatal one in my life, by adding certain qualities to it, be it consciously or unconsciously. Is it me choosing to open up widely and deeply to a specific person and thus experience an intense fullness of our contact and connection, or is it that there actually is, objectively, something special between us, something that is becoming alive now, overwhelming us with its energy?
If it is an objective fatalness, than life on a planet with billions of individuals really sucks. It’s like searching for a needle in a hay stack. In this case I certainly hope we do communicate also on subtle and very spiritual levels, otherwise there’s no way to find each others in one life time. On the other way, if it is us who are, by shaping our perceptions, literally creating fatal people around us in our lives…, well in that case you can just grab the first one on a street, define him or her as the fatal one, and live happily ever after.
Oh, yeah, they will need to see you as a fatal one too, so this complicates things a bit.
Anyway, be it this way or the other, I can count myself as an extremely lucky guy since I have been living with my fatal one. It settles so many questions and brings so much peace and bliss. Having your goddess, your fatal one here, around, with me, I mean, isn’t that a paradise? I can look at her, smell her, touch her, hug her, interact with her in every way, every day…
Well, I guess tomorrow it is going to be a fatal day for me, when she comes home from her business trip and reads what kind of stuff I have been posting about her on my blog.
“What makes somebody so special that our hearts melt, our minds go blank, we feel overjoyed, overwhelmed, over-everything? Why is it this person and not that one?”
Personality and pheromones.
Our subconscious sensitivity to pheromones affects us more than we realise or would care to admit. I think that we sometimes over intellectualise relationships. It’s important on a biological level that we reproduce and attraction by pheromones is part of the mechanism.
Compatibility of personality enables us to stay together long enough to raise the result of sexual attraction and interaction.
I know that we all like to think we are better than, or somehow “above” animals, but the fact is that we are just another type of animal.
The whole concept of romantic love was a literary construct from medieval times.
Having said all this, my wife is my absolute favourite person in the whole world and I’d be lost without her. I try not to think about the biological imperatives that drive us and I just go with the flow and enjoy my relationship.
I try not to overthink things as it gets in the way. I try to focus on “being here now”.
Comment by razzbuffnik — July 29, 2008 @ 9:06 am
“I can count myself as an extremely lucky guy since I have been living with my fatal one.”
You’ve been married before, was your wife a fatal one too? And this woman you’re living with now, is she going to be fatal as long as another fatal one comes along ?
Just wondering
Comment by Aja — July 29, 2008 @ 2:00 pm
Hi,
Re Aja’s comment, I think there is only one “fatal”, while others can be pretty great to live with but there is not this feeling of wholeness. With the fatal one the match is perfect, and with others good enough. I think we have only one fatal one, but if we miss it hopefullly there are several good enough matches for each of us around to avoid staying single our whole life if we don’t spot our fatal one.
Re Razzbufnik’s comment, I would tend to think that in addition to personality (psychology) and pheromones (biology, chemistry), there is a spiritual-metaphysical dimension, as Robert memtionned, also our Western science hasn’t proved it yet and also it doesn’t match with our western rational minds.
Comment by Anne-Claire — July 29, 2008 @ 4:30 pm
Hey Razz, yes, that’s another perception of the fatalness. And yes, I guess our need for having a relationship on an altar, certainly distorst the perception even a bit further.
Aja: good question indeed. I never experienced my first wife as a fatal one, but, as strange as it may seem, the woman I was involved before that I actually did perceive as a fatal one. I, of course, cannot say anything about the future, how I will perceive anything in the future. But this is exactly my point: is fatalness of another person something objective or just a result of my choices and perceptions. Are they fatal or am I giving them the attributes of a fatal person? So, I am not saying that my perception of my wife as “fatal woman of my life” is correct, I honestly do not know and this is what I was wondering in this post. So, what is your personal experience in this regards, of “fatal” people in your life? Would you be willing to share your perspective?
Comment by Robert — July 29, 2008 @ 8:30 pm