This is what I call fast: a couple of weeks back I have met him at the Warrior of the Heart training in Belgium, and a week later Steve, on his tour around Europe, already visited me in our home. Having him here for a few days and taking him around the country was really great, but what was the most meaningful thing for me was, as usual, the simple and sincere sharing of where we are at with our lives.
And the thing that touched me the most was when he was sharing with me his experiences and feelings of working voluntarily in the Kufunda Learning Village in Zimbabwe. Now, everything he shared with me was so damn inspiring that I immediately felt like joining in and contributing what I can to that beautiful project.
On the other hand, I have sensed the typical humanitarian sadness and frustration in his words. A general feeling of fighting an omnipotent and invincible dragon there. For every head that is cut off, hundred new fire-spitting heads pop up. For every problem solved, a thousand of new problems incarnate. For every child saved, there will be hundreds of children dying tomorrow.
We are not saving anything really. And it can be very depressing to face that.
I guess we are down to the question of ethics, the question on which basis do we choose, in our lives, what to do and how to do it. There are, generally speaking, three basic approaches, as far as I know.
The first one would be to just follow the rules and duties, imposed by the culture or authorities, the so-called deontological approach. They say I should be honest and not lie, therefore this must be the right thing to do and so I will stick to that. It is said that I should go out and help people and therefore this is the right thing for me to do and so I will do it.
The second one would be to think about the consequences of actions and go for the actions that will ensure me the consequences I want. If I lie, I might get caught and then I will be punished. This consequence I do not like and so I will not lie. If I will be honest people will like me, which I prefer much more than people not liking me, and so I will be honest. And if I will help people, than not only will people help me back, but the planet will be a better place and we will all be so happy, like in Hollywood happy-ending movies. Now, this is a very nice consequence, isn’t it?
But perhaps, if I choose to be honest and to not lie, people will, in some cases, be hurt and consequentially angry with me. Perhaps they will not like me anymore. So should I lie anyway? Just a little bit? Is there a good lie, the one that makes people happier than the bad truth? Hm, I am getting lost. And, why should I go saving the world if I know that I can not save it. If I know that everything is going downhill. If I know that the child I save today will die next week. Why should I do it and not somebody else (a classical excuse in consequentialist way of thinking)?
Frankly, the more I think of it the more I believe that the good old Aristotle was damn right in saying that thinking about consequences will not get us anywhere and with his suggestion that it is best to live by the ethics of virtues. When we are not concerned with the results of our actions, but rather with the question of how we want to proceed in our lives, what kind of people do we want to be. In this case I am choosing to be honest simply because this is what I want to be: a honest person. This is how I want to live my life. I do not even want to lie on a burning stake, for that matter. And I do want to be nonviolent and respectful towards others; not because some god was reported to have said so or because I believe I would get some sort of a reward for that, but just because this is how I want to live my life, even if it gets me in more troubles and even if this means I will not make all that shiny money.
So, back to humanitarian work and helping people: I believe the only thing that will get a humanitarian worker through all the ups and downs is this very approach of virtue ethics. Helping because this is you, this is what you want to do and what kind of person you want to be. Helping because this is how you want to spend and experience your own existence.
Now, the question for myself, of course, is: Do I dare to climb that horse or am I just trying to be smart here?
And I am back to the question of courage again.
I think that it’s not so much which choice you make, but whether you make it with love and an open heart. I’ve wrestled with that dilemma myself, but I truly don’t think my gifts lie in that direction. I want to do it at some point (both of us actually) but it won’t be the main thrust of how I lovingly engage the world.
I guess it also has to do with how you define progress or what you think your purpose there is. Is it to fix the problem? Or to have your life momentarily, postively impact the life of another.
Whatever your decision, I have faith that it is the right one.
Comment by Hayden Tompkins — September 1, 2008 @ 2:19 am
Here I sit with the comment window open, still thinking about what I want to write. Part of the problem is that I am wrestling with my own guilt — there is so much suffering in the world and I do so little. By accident of birth, I live in a country where, for the majority of people, life is easy. But this isn’t about me.
It seems like you have a few options — maybe you go to Zimbabwe. Maybe you choose another place. Or perhaps there are other ways to help that are immediate, right there in front of you, situations you haven’t noticed, people that are reaching for a hand.
Comment by Jennifer — September 1, 2008 @ 6:08 am
I’m just about to leave my ordinary life to go and walk through central europe for 3 months. Often, people wonder why I’m doing this for, what I’ll do next, what I hope to get out of this etc. While I just don’t think about the consequence. We (me and my husband) wrote on our blogs many reasons why we are doing this, but the main reason is just because we feel like doing it!
We are quite in line with what you wrote about Robert, choosing how to live our lives because we feel like it at the moment, not because calculating and anticipating any future consequence or judgment (be it by God or by human beings).
I feel better when I manage to live that way… although it’s tough, especially for everyday life reactions.
Comment by Ludo et Anne-Claire — September 1, 2008 @ 5:22 pm
Hayden, yes, I agree with you, it is the place we are coming from, that makes the difference. And the purpose behind it…
Jennifer, oh, yeah, guilt, tell me about it… This cultural oppression with this guilt business really screwed us up. I have been struggling with this for the most of my life; guilt, responsibility and all of that stuff built up on this foundation. Hard to see clearly, isn’t it?
Ludo & ACC, guys, I envy you. Have the trip of your life. I can hardly wait to read about your fantastic journey on your blog. Enjoy, breathe, smile, embrace… And make sure you stop here. December, right?
Comment by Robert — September 1, 2008 @ 11:19 pm
“When we are not concerned with the results of our actions, but rather with the question of how we want to proceed in our lives, what kind of people do we want to be.”
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“And I do want to be nonviolent and respectful towards others; not because some god was reported to have said so or because I believe I would get some sort of a reward for that, but just because this is how I want to live my life,…”
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“Helping because this is you, this is what you want to do and what kind of person you want to be. Helping because this is how you want to spend and experience your own existence.”
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I read this post after the one below and went from tears in my eyes to tears running down my face. These quotes of yours that I’ve pasted here really sum up truth for ME I cannot believe how exquisitely you have worded this…straight from your beautiful questing heart.
What is amazing is that when I lived in the rainforest in Australia years ago, I came face to face with the question: Is there a purpose to Life? What I found (for me) was that there is no purpose. At first I felt angry and empty, and Life felt pointless. Then once I came to terms with my own emptiness and the fact that, for me, Life just IS, I just AM, I was able to start to decide what gave meaning to MY life.
As you say, who did I want to be just because that’s who I want to be? What did I want to do just because it filled me with Life and passion for living. It might not make sense to try and save a forest that will die from reasons beyond my control. It might not make sense to try and save a child that will die in two weeks. It might not make sense to forgive someone who brutally wronged me. It might not make sense to reach out and love someone who doesn’t want to be loved. BUT…THAT IS WHO I AM.
I too strive for honesty and to be kind, compassionate and non-judgmental, not because I feel there will be a reward or because I feel like it “makes good karma” (karma is irrelevant to me), or the reverse..that there is a punishing god if I don’t do those things. No. I do it because it makes me feel paaaasssionately alive. It makes me fall absolutely in love with Life and all of existence.
Please forgive that this may not makes sense here in such a small space. I may have taken too much for granted. But I truly think these are absolutely delicious thoughts that you are pondering here. I love the way your whole thought processes unfolded, the way you allowed yourself to be really honest and put each emotion right out in front of you. I tend to think like that as well. It’s wonderful when we allow ourselves this freedom; we get to see ourselves more clearly…uncensored.
This is SUCH a juicy post that I would have loved to sat right down with you and shared thoughts and experiences on this very topic. I am so proud of you for…being who you are.
It’s pretty amazing. No matter what you decide to actually DO you are exploring areas that many people never approach. I am blown away. Robin
Comment by rainforestrobin — September 2, 2008 @ 2:17 am
Robin, this all makes PERFECT sense, truly! It is so beautiful to read this and to resonate with all of it. So, I guess one day we will just have to sit down and share…
Thanks for everything!
Comment by Robert — September 4, 2008 @ 11:27 am
Haven’t read comments, not much time in between everything but what is pulling you towards humanitarian work – what is the one thing that will push you over that boundary?
Comment by SanityFound — September 7, 2008 @ 5:05 pm
Sanity, this is a razor sharp question, gosh. Let me see: if I look within me I can say that what is pulling me towards humanitarian work is that, on the one hand, my personal goal and needs have been met and satisfied, and on the other hand I just somehow feel an urge to do something for others, to help out. I can less and less deny the pain and suffering around me. It also feels the most meaningful thing to do in my life. So it is line with my Search of Meaning, I would say.
And the second question: what will push me over the boundary… This one is even tougher. I will have to think about it and get back to you. Perhaps I will just write a post about it.
Thanks for the inspiration.
Comment by Robert — September 8, 2008 @ 8:55 am