It is funny how things tend to evolve rather contrarily to expectations. I took off with our van for another few days of solitude on an island, thinking it would be a lot of bicycling and jogging during the day time and writing – posts for this blog among other things – in the evenings. Since I seem to be under a vicious curse, I got bad weather again and so once more not much outdoor stuff happening. And the real surprise was that I did not find it enjoyable to write posts for this blog.
So, here I am sitting with a list of about 30 themes for posts, yet I just do not feel inspired to write anything. But I do enjoy writing other stuff. Day after day. And I started to wonder what is going on.
Basically I see two possibilities – either it is only a phase and perhaps after some time, when I get enough of rest and other needs taken care of, I will start enjoying blogging again. Or, as the other option goes, perhaps I just don’t feel like writing this blog anymore. Perhaps I just need to shift some focus from this cyber world back into the so-called real life. As you very well know, reading and writing blogs consumes quite some hours per week and right now I feel I would perhaps rather spend this time:
- connecting with my kids and my wife
- walking, cycling, jogging… in nature
- listening to music
- getting back to my guitar and start learning flamenco
- focusing on some very inspiring projects I have been having playing with for quite some time
- writing a book
- meditating
- sleeping …
And there’s another thing that bother’s me in regards to this blogging thing and I just cannot seem to find a way around it: it is a self-promoting trip. It feels like screaming into the world: “Hey, look, this is me me me, I am so smart and so cool…” And, frankly, I am tired of this aspect of my existence. I just want to cut the crap and silence this ego-monster down.
I guess I will just let it evolve in a natural course and see what comes up as the most true part of myself. And follow it.
By the way, I can see this one is the 99th post. I wonder what the 100th will be… 
Dear Robert,
While I would miss your articles, I would very well understand if you stopped and dedicated your time to what you mentionned. I must say that your wonderings are the reason why I, in the end, decided to not start my blog, although I had considered it after our Central Europe trip.
Stay away from the computer and take care of your needs
Anne-Claire
Comment by Ludo et Anne-Claire — February 9, 2009 @ 4:41 pm
Well, you’ll be in my Reader if you do decide this is just a blogging sabbatical.
Comment by Hayden Tompkins — February 9, 2009 @ 8:22 pm
I understand the anxiety over self-promotion. But it seems like it’s only when we tell the most personal stories that we really touch other people. I think people come to your blog — okay, I come to your blog — for your story and your personality. So it’s not really self-promotion if it’s just your, um, self.
Comment by Michelle Tackabery — February 9, 2009 @ 10:51 pm
I have had similar thoughts. My son and I got sick over the weekend and I spent a fair amount of time away from the blog world, though I did check in with a friend or two. It was a good thing. But there are also good things about focusing on the solid world around us, the people, etc. Blogging is a definite distraction. Still, it is an impetus to write and to keep up with my memoir creation (which is, of course, all about glorious old me, with the hope that other people will connect with my stories).
We’ll miss you, but we’ll also be here if and when you return to the blogging world. But please do what you need to do to live a full life.
Comment by Jennifer — February 10, 2009 @ 11:13 pm
Life is too short to waste on anything you don’t enjoy, so you should do whatever you like. However, I must say that in my experience, there’s a subtle distinction between creative expression and self-promotion. First, there is thought, pure and simple. Thought just is. I am capable of putting my thoughts out here without attaching to them. But, then my ego wants to latch on, and it says “Hey, here’s something I can use to get what I want (to feel respected or loved or whatever).” The fact that the ego has an agenda doesn’t diminish the value of the original thought or of expressing it, but the ego hooks me emotionally if I believe what it says. As I understand it, the real trick is to clearly see that the ego can never be satisfied. Even if I tell you that I think you’re smart and cool right now, tomorrow you’ll feel exactly like you always have, and your ego will still want more. It’s not a matter of silencing the ego, but just realizing that listening to your ego can never get you anything. So, if the ego is going to keep talking anyway, you should just do whatever you like.
Comment by Clarissa Alverson — February 11, 2009 @ 2:36 am
Anne-Claire – yes, in essence it is really about staying away from the computer and taking care of my real-life needs…
Hayden – feels so good to know that, really, I am not joking…
Michelle – your comment touched me deeply. Almost made me change my mind, seriously… Thank you.
Jennifer – thank you, my friend, thank you. Hope to meet you guys some time in the future.
Clarissa – This is pure wisdom, what you wrote here. Where did you hide until now? Enjoyed your clear thoughts immensely. And am already starting to feel sad about quitting blogging…
Comment by Robert — February 11, 2009 @ 11:27 am
I can understand how you feel. I go through periods where I loose interest in blogging but I seem to return.
I’ve often thought about the need for an audience. Art can exist in it’s own right without an audience but I think that art can be also be enjoyed by more than the creator by sharing it with an audience. I guess the same can be said for blogging.
Sorry to not quite agree with you on what I think you mean about the self promotion aspect of blogging. For me it’s a conversation, an exchange of ideas and experiences. I not only learn about other people and places but it also helps me to learn about myself.
I think you’ve also been learning about yourself and of course that’s a good thing.
Lastly, I’m glad you blogged because I’ve gotten to meet you over the net and later this year I’m looking forward to meeting you in person.
Comment by razzbuffnik — February 16, 2009 @ 1:17 pm
Razz – I agree with what you are talking about art and I also think that blogging does not necessarily mean that it is about ego self-promotion. But in my case I think it is a bit different; you see, I am not just creating something and putting it out there to be observed and digested, like it would be if I was writing a novel or painting or playing music, or even writing a more neutral blog. This blog is a personal one, I was writing about myself and it is more like writing an autobiography – where you choose what to include and what to exclude, how to interpret yourself… All because you want the reader to see you in a certain light. And I believe this is a definition of self promotion…
And, yes, I am very much looking forward to meet you. All my family already knows about you, a crazy Aussie coming over for a visit… E-mail me once you know approximate time of your arrival to our part of Europe, since I will be out of the country quite a lot and we need to plan well in order not to miss each other…
Comment by Robert — February 16, 2009 @ 5:30 pm