The older I get, the more enjoyable I find stretching out and giving, contributing to the well-being of people of there. It is just plain enjoyable, you know, in terms of feeding ducks, it feels like the best thing I can ever do in my life. To help making somebody’s life more beautiful.
But, on the other hand, with this I also seem to be more prone to forget about my own needs and start losing balance after some time. The difficulty begins with the fact that at the moment of deciding whether I will reach out a bit more, I really feel that I can do it, I feel that I want to do it and that I will enjoy doing it. And when I do it I still enjoy doing it, giving, helping, reaching out. It all seems perfectly OK.
And then I wake up in the morning and I am on the edge, with zero patience, not wanting to see anybody, just wanting to be alone and regenerate, recharge my batteries, nurture myself in complete aloneness. Since I feel totally empty and dry. What I don’t like in this situation is that the people that are closest to me in my life get to bear with the antisocial, grumpy, introvert, frustrated and tired me. Rather often.
This used to be at least a bit clearer some years ago. Then at least I was aware that, when being asked for help of favour, my yes had a hidden no somewhere behind my nervous smile and I knew I just had to learn how to say no when I actually meant no. And I did learn to do that and life was not too difficult in this regard.
Nowadays my yes to reach out and give is a true yes, a sincere yes from my heart. I truly mean it and I am enjoying it while giving, but then I wake up one day, gasping for air, with batteries plain dead.
I guess the next step for me is to learn to foresee that I will be soon needing some space and some time for myself and to provide this for myself before I even start feeling the need for it. Start cooking food well in advance so that it is ready to be eaten when I get hungry. Sounds like some sort of Super Zen, but it also sounds like plain common sense.
Damn, finding and keeping the right balance between contributing to others and contributing to my well-being sometimes seems to me so unbelievably hard, as if I am missing an organ, a sensor to tell me what is going on deep within and give me some hints. A GPS device of some sort. Well…
Well, I will just have to learn this art, I guess, what else is there to do?
I share this neverending quest.
Comment by Anne-Claire Chene Geffroy — August 28, 2009 @ 10:23 am
I have lost count of how many times I have allowed myself to burn out.
Empty – nothing left.
The solution for me (and it works most of the time) is a little ME time every day in the form of a bath, candles, a good book and sometimes a glass of wine.
Once every six weeks I also have a “ME date”. I sleep in, I take a bath, I get a massage (when I can afford it), go see a movie, I get my hair done and then read, meditate, work out … what ever I feel like doing to fill in my day.
I used to find it hard to “take time” as there was always so many things to be done & peoples needs to be met – but when I worked out that without investing in me Id always end up empty I decided to give myself what I needed before it got to that.
Good luck!
Comment by Thinkies — September 3, 2009 @ 4:58 pm
Anne-Claire – I somehow hoped it is not really neverending…
Thinkies – Welcome. Yeah, I absolutely agree – taking care of our own needs is essential, as it is hard to give if your own cup is empty.
Comment by Robert — September 4, 2009 @ 9:30 am