I have spent the first decade of my adulthood killing and suffocating life in myself by labelling myself with labels that I would have never used on others, comparing myself to others in any way that would prove myself to be less worthy, evaluating myself with heartbreaking harshness, blaming myself for not being perfect, demanding myself to be something else… With some personal growth this approach to myself became less violent, yet the seed was still there and I remained my own most effective enemy. Life in me just could not begin breathing fully; it was kept sitting there, waiting.
Meeting hundreds people at my workshops and trainings, I can say that I firmly know my story of self-denial is not unique, but widely shared.
Yet ten years ago something opened up in my life and an immense breakthrough happened, life started to flow in such waves that it often took my breath away. I literally kept waking up during nights because of being overwhelmed with happiness and beauty. But I merely dared to be aware of it all. I was still hiding it all from the world. As if suffering was allowed, but celebrating the happiness and the beauty of life not.
Then half a year ago another crack opened. I started to allow myself to celebrate, with lots of gratitude, the beauty of my existence. As if a yet deeper and more genuine self got born to this world, in a still rather shy manner allowing itself to enjoy it all; the appreciation, the love, the happiness…
Gosh, why do we do this to ourselves, why do we squeeze our precious lifetimes into tiny little shapes, gasping for some air for the rest of the time. Why do we keep killing ourselves slowly?
But I am slowly learning my lesson. One thing I have started is to every evening, when I lie down in bed, go with my thoughts through the past day and find moments that I would like to consciously celebrate. And there are so many of them, each and every day, that I can never number them all. A heart-to-heart conversation with a person on my workshop, a beautiful connection I witness when mediating a conflict, a wonderful spark of love in my conversation with my daughter, the beauty of connection and trust with my wife, a wonderful sunrise I observe when driving down the highway in the morning to lead a training someplace away, a sense of love and happiness in the voice of my father when we speak on the phone… Celebrating the beauty of my kids, of my wife, of so many people around myself, and, yes, the beauty of my-self too.
Yes, there’s so much to celebrate, if I and if we want to.
Just felt like sharing this with you guys.
Daer Robert,
it’s quite funny that this article comes right after that on the forced positivism. It’s not about positivism, that we are forcing, but about gratitude, that comes within.
I have also been working on gratitude these last couple of months, (there must be something in the air!), starting with a simple exercise of writing 5 to 10 things I am grateful for every evening, each time being different if possible. This has made wonders, and now I am celebrating so much more! Add this to the law of attraction and that makes wonders.
Thanks for sharing this.
Comment by Anne-Claire — December 2, 2010 @ 10:33 pm
Anne-Claire: yes, I was already reminded of that and it is funny in a sense. But as you say, it is really not about positivism, but rather about appreciating, with gratitude, the beauty of life. While not denying the non-beauty of it.
Yes, as I said, my “exercise” is very similar and mine too produces an astonishing output – more easiness and awareness of the life, needs met, enjoyment…
Comment by Robert — December 20, 2010 @ 9:34 am
I remember this from oprah few years ago
she used to have a webpage: gratitude journal, where you could write down your 5 things.
Comment by greg — December 30, 2010 @ 3:35 pm
Greg – hey, I did not know about Oprah doing a gratitude journal thing, but I like the idea. I guess the awareness of the importance of gratitude is not really unique, but emerging from just about everywhere around.
Comment by Robert — January 1, 2011 @ 11:53 pm
Hi Robert,
I used to have a journaling practice where I would write down 5 items for the following categories:
1. I love (could be anything: the color yellow, young coconuts, fun, play, my aunt, mangos, the word delight…)
2. Happy memories (could be from the day or from 10 years ago, anything that would feel good thinking of)
3. Reasons why my life is awesome right now (well, anything that I like about the now – if you are severely depressed, I’d focus especially on 1 and 2 to get into the mood for 3 and 4 again)
4. Joyful anticipation (could be plans I have already made, or experiences I am envisioning for the future)
I also just discovered this TED-talk by the man who started the 1000 awesome things blog after his friend committed suicide: http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/neil_pasricha_the_3_a_s_of_awesome.html
Hugs!
Ariane
Comment by Ariane — February 17, 2011 @ 8:30 pm
Hi Ariane, thanks for this comment; I love yet another way to focus on what to celebrate in life. I really think it is so life-serving. Every day when I read news about pain and suffering around the world, with Lybia being the highlight of the moment, I mourn that, but I also become aware of all the easiness and happiness and beauty in my life, and try to celebrate it.
I will have a look at the TED talk you are proposing, one of these days.
And sorry for the late response. My life has been so full lately, actually in the last half a year – which is also one of the reasons I am not doing much about this blog. Because I do so many things about so many other things…
Comment by Robert — February 23, 2011 @ 9:27 am
I would like to quote some of your sayings for my new artwork; I hope it is OK. Thank you.
Comment by George Grie — March 7, 2011 @ 7:45 pm
George – Sure thing, no problem. The artwork that you linked to my text is totally amazing. Bravo.
Comment by Robert — March 13, 2011 @ 7:16 pm