It is funny how things tend to evolve rather contrarily to expectations. I took off with our van for another few days of solitude on an island, thinking it would be a lot of bicycling and jogging during the day time and writing – posts for this blog among other things – in the evenings. Since I seem to be under a vicious curse, I got bad weather again and so once more not much outdoor stuff happening. And the real surprise was that I did not find it enjoyable to write posts for this blog.
So, here I am sitting with a list of about 30 themes for posts, yet I just do not feel inspired to write anything. But I do enjoy writing other stuff. Day after day. And I started to wonder what is going on.
Basically I see two possibilities – either it is only a phase and perhaps after some time, when I get enough of rest and other needs taken care of, I will start enjoying blogging again. Or, as the other option goes, perhaps I just don’t feel like writing this blog anymore. Perhaps I just need to shift some focus from this cyber world back into the so-called real life. As you very well know, reading and writing blogs consumes quite some hours per week and right now I feel I would perhaps rather spend this time:
- connecting with my kids and my wife
- walking, cycling, jogging… in nature
- listening to music
- getting back to my guitar and start learning flamenco
- focusing on some very inspiring projects I have been having playing with for quite some time
- writing a book
- sleeping …
And there’s another thing that bother’s me in regards to this blogging thing and I just cannot seem to find a way around it: it is a self-promoting trip. It feels like screaming into the world: “Hey, look, this is me me me, I am so smart and so cool…” And, frankly, I am tired of this aspect of my existence. I just want to cut the crap and silence this ego-monster down.
I guess I will just let it evolve in a natural course and see what comes up as the most true part of myself. And follow it.
By the way, I can see this one is the 99th post. I wonder what the 100th will be…