How sad can our celebration be?

There I was, strolling around Hamburg about a week ago, and I felt somewhat paralysed with the scene of people celebrating. As I learned latter, the local soccer club won a match someplace and was going to play in a higher league. Or something.

But what a celebration it was, oh boy. Thousands of people roaming around the streets, men, women, old and young, everybody with a can of beer in their hand, yelling their lungs out, screaming, vomiting, urinating, falling over drunk as logs… I mean, there were thousands of drunken people around, and it was not even 8 PM yet. It was completely bizarre, if not frightening. The only people I felt connected to were a few dozens of policemen, standing all over the place, ready to intervene. They were the only sober people around and seemed to have hated the situation just as much as I did.

So, all these thousands of drunk people were supposedly celebrating. The victory, the success… But did this seem to be far from any sort of celebration. It seemed everything else, in fact, but a joyful celebration. It all felt full of sadness, frustration, hopelessness, agony, emptiness, depression… Perhaps it was just me, but I could not see any real feelings of joy, happiness, fullness of life. The scene I saw seemed to be decreasing the enjoyment of life, rather than increasing it.

And I don’t believe this has anything to do with the fact that it was about football per se. You see, when in Cairo in November, Egypt won a World Cup qualifying match with Algeria and there were millions out in the streets. I and my friends went out too and there was joy, happiness, laughter, cheerfulness, and a very happy and welcoming atmosphere all around. And after a few hours, sometime in the middle of the night, streets were still full, people were still celebrating, everybody was still happy, yet there was no feelings of aggression and frustration, nobody was urinating, vomiting, there was nothing to be afraid of, no policemen needed. Sure, it is a Muslim country and no alcohol was involved. Which I really appreciated that night.

Have we lost it? Have we forgotten how to simply celebrate life, enjoy happy moments, enjoy each other? Can we only do it with alcohol? What does celebrating really mean? When do we feel we are celebrating and how do we do it? It seems to me that the primitive cultures were so good at that and that nowadays we are often just lost.

I don’t know about you, but I feel that I want to work on getting in touch with the true spirit of celebration in my life, and to bring it back, to infuse life with simple and big celebrations, just bring the full awareness to the billions of beautiful things that  my life is full of. Peacefully, joyfully, simply, and, in my case, rather quietly.

The joy of contributing together

Two days ago I participated in the biggest environmental project in the country so far. The idea was to clean up the whole Slovenia in one day – in the similar way as the Estonians did it two years back.

For about eight months a large group of enthusiastic volunteers was planning and organizing the thing, attracting sponsors, mapping the illegal garbage dumps, attracting media and organizations… And two days ago the big thing happened: more than 10% of the population gathered on meeting points across the country, armed with gloves and rubbish bags. Army joined, fire departments joined, many little companies with their trucks and tools…, and thousands upon thousands of people with their bare hands, cars, trailers. Individuals, families, sport teams, car clubs, scouts, everybody was out there, voluntarily.

And the most important thing for me; there were smiles on our faces, we were all connected and something very positive was in the air. I guess it was the effect of the feeling we were actually contributing, united with the effect of being connected.

Would you not agree that many of the best moments in our lives were happening when we were selflessly contributing to the beauty of life out there, knowing that it was going to make a difference. And were not one of the best moments in our lives also when we felt really genuinely connected with others?

Why can we not lead our lives so that it would all be about just joining our forces and joyfully working together, supporting each other … Why does it have to be so much about the profit and individual success? And fighting and winning and pushing and dividing? Where have we lost it all? When exactly has the Ubuntu passed away?

The stupid one goes to Barcelona

As weird as it may seem, but I just realized that I am actually tired of myself reporting about my tiredness. Because whenever I do that, I know very well that I am the driver of my life and that the sole reason for me being so tired is the fact that I always prioritize work and responsibility as higher than rest and joy. Always! It may be the guilt, the over-responsibility or whatever, but it ends in a vicious cycle.

So, whenever I say I am tired, please read that I am actually saying I am stupid.

Anyway, this Sunday I will be off to Barcelona for a week. I hope to get some sleep.

Hang on now: To get some sleep in Barcelona?

Now just how stupid does that sound?

On feeding ducks

I really like the story Marshall Rosenberg, the father of the Nonviolent Communication that inspires me so much, likes to tell when explaining how he came across some of the fundamental ideas of the nonviolent approach to relationships. He was observing children feeding ducks in a park and suddenly realized it was impossible to say who of the two was enjoying it better – kids that were giving food, or ducks that were receiving it. It was evident that children were at least as happy as ducks, if not even more.

And this is something that I keep realizing over and over again in my life – that giving is actually more fulfilling that receiving. Perhaps this also has to do with my own personal difficulty to receive… – but this is another story. A long one, actually.

Yet, in regard to this giving business I started to feel so damn depressed and frustrated about a week or so ago. You see, I enjoy giving, I really do. I like to contribute to somebody’s life, do something for them, give them something, help them out, meet some of the needs they might be having. It brings me pleasure, happiness and fulfilment. But on that day I just felt I have reached the limit to it: the joy was gone and I was losing balance. Frustration started to creep in, along with the feeling that I am the only one, in certain interaction in my work as well as at home, that has been giving. I am not saying this is an objective reality, but this is how it felt, very strongly. I felt I had been giving, giving, giving and it was not joyful anymore – in fact suddenly each time I gave, I felt frustrated.

When I started to dig deep within myself and seek for the core of my frustration I realized it was not that I would be needing to be given anything back in return, like gratitude, acknowledgement, appreciation… Well, sometimes I of course am needing that too, but now, in this particular situation this was just not the case. The frustration seemed to be coming from the fact that I really needed – and still badly need – to experience that I am not the only one that is giving. I need to co-exist with others in an interaction in which everybody is giving and contributing, where this beautiful flow of giving and receiving is happening. I really want to be in this children-feeding-ducks-situation.

I guess this has to do with my longing for community that I wrote about some time ago. The desire to live with people that enjoy giving to each other. Yes, living with people that find it so damn joyful to walk around and feed the happy ducks, that they just want to keep doing it. Out of simple joy, not out of obligation, responsibility, duty…

Now, if I go and start telling this to people, it comes across as a moral pressure, demand, expectations and it just does not work. So, for the time being I will just be mourning and grieving over the fact that this need of mine is not meet.

Hmmmmm….

Ok now Robert, enough of whining, gotta go packing bags for a week in New York City.

Speaking of ducks; I guess I won’t see many ducks there.

To blog or not to blog

It is funny how things tend to evolve rather contrarily to expectations. I took off with our van for another few days of solitude on an island, thinking it would be a lot of bicycling and jogging during the day time and writing – posts for this blog among other things – in the evenings. Since I seem to be under a vicious curse, I got bad weather again and so once more not much outdoor stuff happening. And the real  surprise was that I did not find it enjoyable to write posts for this blog.

So, here I am sitting with a list of about 30 themes for posts, yet I just do not feel inspired to write anything. But I do enjoy writing other stuff. Day after day. And I started to wonder what is going on.

Basically I see two possibilities – either it is only a phase and perhaps after some time, when I get enough of rest and other needs taken care of, I will start enjoying blogging again. Or, as the other option goes, perhaps I just don’t feel like writing this blog anymore. Perhaps I just need to shift some focus from this cyber world back into the so-called real life. As you very well know, reading and writing blogs consumes quite some hours per week and right now I feel I would perhaps rather spend this time:

• connecting with my kids and my wife
• walking, cycling, jogging… in nature
• listening to music
• getting back to my guitar and start learning flamenco
• focusing on some very inspiring projects I have been having playing with for quite some time
• writing a book
• meditating
• sleeping …

And there’s another thing that bother’s me in regards to this blogging thing and I just cannot seem to find a way around it: it is a self-promoting trip. It feels like screaming into the world: “Hey, look, this is me me me, I am so smart and so cool…” And, frankly, I am tired of this aspect of my existence. I just want to cut the crap and silence this ego-monster down.

I guess I will just let it evolve in a natural course and see what comes up as the most true part of myself. And follow it.

By the way, I can see this one is the 99th post. I wonder what the 100th will be…

Making somebody’s life more beautiful

Lately I have been thinking a lot about the beauty of giving, doing something for others, making somebody’s life more beautiful. Though I know that it is more beautiful and fulfiling to give than to get, I keep rediscovering this over and over again. And just yesterday there was another moment like this. I was driving to a brief meeting with an acquaintance, thinking how difficult it is for me to bear the time spent with her since she wants appraisal all the time. I was already feeling nervous a bit, thinking about how to make this meeting as short as possible.

Then I realized that this was just a person over there with a huge need for respect and acceptance. Just as simple as that. A person, a human being with this genuine and painfully unmet need for respect and acceptance. Suddenly I felt that giving her this, some attention, some beauty of life, would probably be the most wonderful think I could do and would actually make me feel great, happy. So, with a lot of joy in my heart, I did fully give this person attention and respect. And we were both so joyful, happy, with sparks in our eyes. It was the best thing.

And, since there are no coincidences in this life – as we all very well know -, while me happily trying to make other people’s life more beautiful during the last week or so, my life was made more beautiful by a gift from my blogging and NVC friend Ian, who has passed to me The Butterfly Award – an award that is passed from one blogger to another, an award titled The Coolest Blog I Know.

Frankly, I am not sure I can define what a “cool blog” is, so I will take the liberty to interpret this through my own mindset with a term that is, in the realm of blogging, the most important to me when I read blogs; an inspiring blog, a blog that stirs up stuff within me and makes me think, see things differently and open new horizons in my world. I feel deeply honoured by getting this award from Ian, whom I respect immensely.

There are some rules (hm, rules make me a bit nervous so let’s call them requests, guidelines…) that come with this Butterfly Award:

1. Put the logo on your blog
2. Add a link to the person who awarded it to you
3. Link 10 other bloggers of whom you want to give this award to.

OK, since I have already done the first two, let me, with a great pleasure, pass this award over to another ten bloggers, feeling really joyful that I can show my respect, happiness, appreciation to them this way. Hoping that this is going to contribute a tiny little bit to at least one moment of their lives.

1. Ian – Quantum Learning – Did I mention this great guy already? Anyway, I am completely in love with his honesty, nonviolent approach to life, respect for everybody out there. Every single post is a reminder and an inspiration.
2. AngryAfrican – Angry African on the Loose – Another guy that I bow deeply to. To his beautiful and deep heart, wisdom, openness, sincerity… I am so happy I have found him.
3. Razz - All the Dumb Things – My Aussie mate. Not that I am an Aussie, but I love him and his stuff. This is a no-nonsense guy, with straightforward wisdom, rich life experiences and a passion. Where I complicate, he cuts through.
4. Melinda - The Melindaville Blog – Everybody go there and read her blog NOW! I thought I have gone through something in my life and, oh boy, was I mistaken. She is opening my eyes to the world of pain, hopelessness, suffering and darkness that I never was aware of.
5. Robin - Naked in Eden – Robin is a child of Nature and still in complete connection with something most of us have lost long ago. She inspires me over and over again, yet it seems like taking ages for me to make some steps.
6. SanityFound - SanityFound’s Rambling’s – I thought about giving up blogging after a couple of months with not much response, and she woke me up. I will be eternally grateful. Her blog covers it all – from deepest traumas of life to funniest jokes. This girl will never stop – she is a nuclear plant.
7. Hayden - Through The Illusion – Another brave and inspirational girl, grinding her way through the illusion. Go, Hayden, Go, never ever stop!
8. Shalabieh - Shabieh’s World – Now, speaking of brave girls, this is one immensely courageous one. I believe she was the first person on my blogroll and will forever stay there, opening my eyes to yet another world.
9. Jennifer - Writing to Survive – She’s got the style, she’s got the grace, she’s got the humour, she’s got the honesty, heart… And she’s got a German neighbour I certainly wish to soon read about again.
10. Amber - AmberMoon – Honestly, Amber writes more than I can ever read, but whenever the word comes down to sex and to politics, I am instantaneously there. So, Amber, let’s have more sex & politics…

So, my dear friends, you are making my days. And I wish you remember this.

I am because you are.

What a beautiful way to begin a blogging year. Giving awards, showing appreciation.

Having cool visitors is cool

So the first visiting party from abroad (out of the three in this month or so) have been here for a week now and, apart from the joy of talking and sharing our lives with dear friends, I came to learn about the other very positive effects cool visitors do have on my well-being:

• since they are not the sort of visitors that would just sit and wait to be served, they have already integrated in our family life, in a natural, relaxed way. Meaning that my life continues normally, they are around the house, they go and come back, and when we bump into each other we chat a bit, decide what to do together and what to do on our own… And it feels like a bigger family, a community of a sort. And I love this feeling.
• having them here inspires me, despite the rather busy days I am having, to focus on doing more of simple yet enjoyable stuff. For instance a glass of wine with the lunch, a ritualistic gathering and sharing with the water pipe…
• being a part of the community they do stuff around the house – cook, do the dishes… With my wife still being away this contributes considerably to the quality of food. We still haven’t finished the pizzas from the fridge, let alone ordered any. Perhaps kids are not too enthusiastic about that fact…
• with taking them here and there I get to be outside more, walk more than I would normally do this week. I even got to see yet another sunset (did not have my camera with me so this is taken by my phone, hence the quality is barely appropriate).

So, visitors, please come and help me meet my need for community, help me eat regular meals and good food, help me enjoy life more and please do drag me out of the house. And do the dishes.